My laptop is on the fritz. Actually it's beyond that. We have had a love hate relationship the past couple of weeks. I love it, but it hates me. There is another laptop in the mail, which can't arrive soon enough.
In preparation for my new beloved's arrival, I have spent the past week deciding what to trash and what to keep. In doing so, I backed up all my pictures. Twice. I decided that I should go through every picture beforehand, so I only backed up those that were most treasured and purged all the blurry, out of focus, pictures I took 10 times to get one good shot.
In the last week, I have relived the last three years of life. Watching friends get pregnant. Beach trips. Sharing the news we were pregnant with Cara. Baby showers for friends and then our own. Her birth day. Life after her. A rich marriage, but two very broken hearts. Holding children, loved but not my own. My body, which told the story of a pregnancy but didn't bear the fruit of its efforts. Pregnancy. Miscarriage. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Planning for adoption. One last try. First birthday. Babies, babies, babies, still not my own. Months of gestating. One glorious day in October. Finding a part of myself again. A second birthday without our first little one. Six months of wonder.
Life. Not what I imagined, yet still sweet in its own bitter way.