Friday, June 13, 2008

A green blankie and a red pacie

Dear Cara,
I saw you tonight. Daddy and I were on our way to an event for his work, when I looked out the window. In a little white car, nestled tight in her green and gray car seat was a baby who looked just like you. She had a head full of dark hair and a sweet little nose. She was wide-eyed and absolutely beautiful.

She was getting sleepy (it was 8:00) and kept rubbing her green blankie against her face. I could tell she liked the way it felt, because it was a repetitive motion, over and over again.

She was older than you would have been now. She kept taking her red pacie out of her mouth, a trick your seven-month old buddy, O just learned a month ago.

I watched her in amazement. I was so fixed on her that I didn't want to break my concentration for a moment to tell your dad. But he saw me watching and was quickly captured up in the moment too.

The thing that most enchanted me was the fact that she studied me in return. She gazed straight into my eyes. She saw me, and I saw you.

I love you, sweetheart. We miss you terribly, but you know this. You are around us always. I think I forget that sometimes. I get so caught up in missing you, that I forget you are still here just not in the way that I would wish.

You have been with us as we have attempted some fun things. You have been with us as we cry until our eyes are dry. You are with us when even in the midst of our grief and when life continues to deal us harsh blows. You are with us as we enjoy in the beauty of nature. You are with us in these moments, because you are with God and he forever surrounds us.

Cara Grace, you are never far from your mother's heart.

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