Remember this post, about my friend who I had to break off communication with. Yesterday we met for the first time since June 7th. On Wednesday I sent her an email inviting her to my home. Friday when I opened the door, we both fell into each others arms. Four and a half months is a long time to not see or speak to one of your closest friends.
We sat on the couch for two hours talking through every detail of the reason we had not been speaking. We shared our hurts, we cried, we apologized, we embraced, we talked about the future, we prayed. After Card died, we had not been in an emotional place to support each other.
It took an unbelievable amount of courage for me to get to this place. I had considered every aspect of the situation for weeks before pursuing this meeting. I was prepared for things to not go well, I was prepared for restoration, I was prepared for her not to show up. In the choose your own ending of the story, we found reconciliation. This is the most whole I have felt since Cara died. Part of me was missing and has been restored.
I am so proud of my friend. As her thoughts flowed, I could tell she was a completely different person these many months later. She has and continues to be one of the sweetest, kindest people I have ever met. I know that she loves me and I feel the same way about her.
There is more to the story. Tuesday I considered greatly pursuing this meeting. At 3:00 am Wednesday morning, I was awoken by a dream of us passing communion bread to each other and simultaneously saying, "Peace of Christ." It was such a beautiful picture that I couldn't fall back asleep. For the two days until we met, all I wanted to do was embrace my friend. Thank God that we were able to come to that moment yesterday.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
October 15th & Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act
October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.
Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.
On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979. (See instructions from previous posts.)
Action Steps:
Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.
GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word
Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.
GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.
Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."
GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.
Source: http://lifewithoutcaden.blogspot.com/
Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.
On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979. (See instructions from previous posts.)
Action Steps:
Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.
GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word
Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.
GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.
Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."
GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.
Source: http://lifewithoutcaden.blogspot.com/
Sunday, September 28, 2008
H.R. 5979
House of Representatives Bill 5979 was introduced by Peter King of NY in May 2008. This bill is currently referred to the Committee of Health with 13 cosponsors. The more cosponsors a bill has the more likely it is to pass. You may veiw the Bill Status page to find a list of cosponsors.
There are a few key points to the bill:
*Acknowledges that many states do not issue a Certificate of Stillbirth, but a Death Certificate.
*Creates a National Registry to track the causes of stillbirth
*Creates a standard for the information collected about the mother
*Requests a standard to define stillbirth
*Expresses the request for more funds to be allocated to stillbirth research
Taking action is easy! Your letter could make a significant impact on the number of cosponsors this bill receives.
1. Identify your Representative.
Go to the United States Postal Service to determine your 9-digit zip code
Go to the House of Representative to determine your Representative
2. Write your letter. We have included a sample letter below that was distributed by First Candle
3. Submit your letter via either your Representative's website or mail
4. Would love to hear from you in the comments section that your letter was sent!!
**********************************************************
Dear Representative ________________:
I am writing to ask you to co-sponsor legislation that would help the CDC and researchers better determine the risk factors associated with stillbirth and convey those risk factors to expectant parents.
House of Representative Bill 5979, the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act of 2008, was introduced by Representative Peter King of New York in an effort to address the lack of standardized data collection nationally with regard to stillbirth.
Each year more than 25,000 babies in the United States are stillborn. More than 50 percent of these deaths occur in the last trimester of pregnancy and 15 percent occur during labor and delivery. Due to a lack of autopsy/investigation and inconsistencies in diagnosing these, more than 50 percent of all stillbirths remain unexplained.
With standardized investigation and reporting of these deaths, researchers would be better able to determine the risk factors. H.R. 5979 would both standardize the definition of stillbirth and the method in which data is collected, in order to create a national repository of stillbirth data to assist researchers in conducting comprehensive studies in to the causes of, and possible preventive strategies for, stillbirth. The bill also authorizes a public awareness campaign promoting good prenatal practices, including monitoring movements during the last trimester of pregnancy, to reduce the risk of stillbirth.
This legislation is important to me because (insert your personal story here.)
Thank you so much for your consideration of my request.
(insert name and contact information here)
There are a few key points to the bill:
*Acknowledges that many states do not issue a Certificate of Stillbirth, but a Death Certificate.
*Creates a National Registry to track the causes of stillbirth
*Creates a standard for the information collected about the mother
*Requests a standard to define stillbirth
*Expresses the request for more funds to be allocated to stillbirth research
Taking action is easy! Your letter could make a significant impact on the number of cosponsors this bill receives.
1. Identify your Representative.
Go to the United States Postal Service to determine your 9-digit zip code
Go to the House of Representative to determine your Representative
2. Write your letter. We have included a sample letter below that was distributed by First Candle
3. Submit your letter via either your Representative's website or mail
4. Would love to hear from you in the comments section that your letter was sent!!
**********************************************************
Dear Representative ________________:
I am writing to ask you to co-sponsor legislation that would help the CDC and researchers better determine the risk factors associated with stillbirth and convey those risk factors to expectant parents.
House of Representative Bill 5979, the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act of 2008, was introduced by Representative Peter King of New York in an effort to address the lack of standardized data collection nationally with regard to stillbirth.
Each year more than 25,000 babies in the United States are stillborn. More than 50 percent of these deaths occur in the last trimester of pregnancy and 15 percent occur during labor and delivery. Due to a lack of autopsy/investigation and inconsistencies in diagnosing these, more than 50 percent of all stillbirths remain unexplained.
With standardized investigation and reporting of these deaths, researchers would be better able to determine the risk factors. H.R. 5979 would both standardize the definition of stillbirth and the method in which data is collected, in order to create a national repository of stillbirth data to assist researchers in conducting comprehensive studies in to the causes of, and possible preventive strategies for, stillbirth. The bill also authorizes a public awareness campaign promoting good prenatal practices, including monitoring movements during the last trimester of pregnancy, to reduce the risk of stillbirth.
This legislation is important to me because (insert your personal story here.)
Thank you so much for your consideration of my request.
(insert name and contact information here)
Preventing Stillbirth and SUID Act of 2008 (S. 3142)
June 17, 2008 Senator Barack Obama introduced the Preventing Stillbirth and SUID Act of 2008 (S. 3142). Much like House Bill 5979, the bill calls for a national repository for tracking stillbirth related deaths, as well as standardizing the collection of information related to a stillbirth. The bill currently has 5 cosponsors.
This is an election year and obviously one of the candidates is the bill originator. Regardless of where you stand with the election, we ask that you would consider the value of this legislation for the thousands of children who are born still in the U.S. each year.
Please write to your Senator asking him/her to sponsor this important piece of legislation.
The Bill Summary page outlines the main points of the bill. The Bill Status page displays links to various details associated with the bill.
Again taking action is easy! Your letter could make a significant impact on the number of cosponsors this bill receives.
1. Identify your Senator's contact information. Go to the Senator Contact Information page. You may filter the list by State. Then follow the link to your Senator's specific site.
2. Write your letter. We have included a sample letter below that was distributed by First Candle
3. Submit your letter via either your Senator's website or mail
4. Would love to hear from you in the comments section that your letter was sent!!
**********************************************************
Dear Senator________________:
I am writing to ask you to cosponsor legislation that would help the CDC and researchers better determine the risk factors associated with stillbirth and convey those risk factors to expectant parents.
Senate Bill 3142, Preventing Stillbirth and SUID Act of 2008, was introduced by Senator Barack Obama of Illinois in an effort to address the lack of standardized data collection nationally with regard to stillbirth.
Each year more than 25,000 babies in the United States are stillborn. More than 50 percent of these deaths occur in the last trimester of pregnancy and 15 percent occur during labor and delivery. Due to a lack of autopsy/investigation and inconsistencies in diagnosing these, more than 50 percent of all stillbirths remain unexplained.
With standardized investigation and reporting of these deaths, researchers would be better able to determine the risk factors. S.3142 would both standardize the definition of stillbirth and the method in which data is collected, in order to create a national repository of stillbirth data to assist researchers in conducting comprehensive studies in to the causes of, and possible preventive strategies for, stillbirth. The bill also authorizes a public awareness campaign promoting good prenatal practices, including monitoring movements during the last trimester of pregnancy, to reduce the risk of stillbirth.
This legislation is important to me because (insert your personal story here.)
Thank you so much for your consideration of my request.
(insert name and contact information here)
This is an election year and obviously one of the candidates is the bill originator. Regardless of where you stand with the election, we ask that you would consider the value of this legislation for the thousands of children who are born still in the U.S. each year.
Please write to your Senator asking him/her to sponsor this important piece of legislation.
The Bill Summary page outlines the main points of the bill. The Bill Status page displays links to various details associated with the bill.
Again taking action is easy! Your letter could make a significant impact on the number of cosponsors this bill receives.
1. Identify your Senator's contact information. Go to the Senator Contact Information page. You may filter the list by State. Then follow the link to your Senator's specific site.
2. Write your letter. We have included a sample letter below that was distributed by First Candle
3. Submit your letter via either your Senator's website or mail
4. Would love to hear from you in the comments section that your letter was sent!!
**********************************************************
Dear Senator________________:
I am writing to ask you to cosponsor legislation that would help the CDC and researchers better determine the risk factors associated with stillbirth and convey those risk factors to expectant parents.
Senate Bill 3142, Preventing Stillbirth and SUID Act of 2008, was introduced by Senator Barack Obama of Illinois in an effort to address the lack of standardized data collection nationally with regard to stillbirth.
Each year more than 25,000 babies in the United States are stillborn. More than 50 percent of these deaths occur in the last trimester of pregnancy and 15 percent occur during labor and delivery. Due to a lack of autopsy/investigation and inconsistencies in diagnosing these, more than 50 percent of all stillbirths remain unexplained.
With standardized investigation and reporting of these deaths, researchers would be better able to determine the risk factors. S.3142 would both standardize the definition of stillbirth and the method in which data is collected, in order to create a national repository of stillbirth data to assist researchers in conducting comprehensive studies in to the causes of, and possible preventive strategies for, stillbirth. The bill also authorizes a public awareness campaign promoting good prenatal practices, including monitoring movements during the last trimester of pregnancy, to reduce the risk of stillbirth.
This legislation is important to me because (insert your personal story here.)
Thank you so much for your consideration of my request.
(insert name and contact information here)
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Facts about Stillbirth
- 1 out of every 100 pregnancies results in stillbirth.
- More than 25,000 stillbirths occur annually in the US. That's roughly the same number of deaths as breast cancer. This is compared to 2,000 deaths related to SIDS.
- 60% of all stillbirth deaths remain unexplained.
- Stillbirth is defined as the unintentional death of an unborn baby who has passed 20 gestational weeks.
- Almost 50 percent of stillborn deaths occur at or near full term and often seem to be otherwise healthy babies. About 85 percent occur before delivery, with 15 percent occurring during labor and delivery.
- Some of the common diagnosable causes for stillbirth: placental abruption and other placental problems, birth defects and chromosomal abnormalities, uncontrolled diabetes, preeclampsia, cord accidents and infections.
- Risk factors include: advanced maternal age, maternal obesity, uncontrolled maternal diabetes and maternal hypertension.
- Only 21 states officially recognize the stillbirth of a child by providing the parents with a certificate of birth resulting in stillbirth. Parents in the other 29 states receive a death certificate. N.C. has a bill pending on the Senate floor to provide a certificate of birth resulting in a stillbirth.
- Kicks count!! Kick counting throughout pregnancy can drastically reduce the number of stillbirths. Visit Kick Counts for more information.
Monday, July 28, 2008
She was here.
She was here. Perfectly formed, our beautiful little girl. Ready to bring us so much joy.
I grieve not knowing her alive. To have never been able to see her little hand close around mine, or to know the life that was in her before it left all too suddenly inside me. I think that is the hardest part. Looking at her pictures and just wondering who she would have been...
I start to think about other children. In that same thought I grieve deeply, because we will never know Cara like we will know them. We shouldn't even be thinking about more kids right now. We should be the anxious first parents just trying to make it through the first year.
She was here and gone too quickly.
I grieve not knowing her alive. To have never been able to see her little hand close around mine, or to know the life that was in her before it left all too suddenly inside me. I think that is the hardest part. Looking at her pictures and just wondering who she would have been...
I start to think about other children. In that same thought I grieve deeply, because we will never know Cara like we will know them. We shouldn't even be thinking about more kids right now. We should be the anxious first parents just trying to make it through the first year.
She was here and gone too quickly.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Love overflowing
With each passing day, I find myself loving Cara more. Tim and I started lighting a candle at dinner and setting it between us. It's a reminder that she is with us, burning love in our hearts.
Tonight over dinner I asked Tim if we should have kept Cara with us the night after she was born. He said, no, it was time to say good-bye when we did. I said, I know, but I wonder if it wouldn't have felt more full to keep her with us the night. He said (and I concur) that saying good-bye was never going to be easy. It was just really painful to be in the hospital without her. To hear the baby next door crying through the wall. To have my broken body telling me I just gave birth to baby, but not having her there in my arms. To be wheeled past the nursery out to the car bringing nothing more than a bracelet engraved with her name, a few locks of her hair, and hand and feet prints.
I miss my girl so much. There is a lot going on behind the scenes that I'm not ready to talk about, but it is making me cling to Cara's memories all the more. Her death has brought so many good things, but it has been mingled with a lot of unnecessary pain as well.
Tonight over dinner I asked Tim if we should have kept Cara with us the night after she was born. He said, no, it was time to say good-bye when we did. I said, I know, but I wonder if it wouldn't have felt more full to keep her with us the night. He said (and I concur) that saying good-bye was never going to be easy. It was just really painful to be in the hospital without her. To hear the baby next door crying through the wall. To have my broken body telling me I just gave birth to baby, but not having her there in my arms. To be wheeled past the nursery out to the car bringing nothing more than a bracelet engraved with her name, a few locks of her hair, and hand and feet prints.
I miss my girl so much. There is a lot going on behind the scenes that I'm not ready to talk about, but it is making me cling to Cara's memories all the more. Her death has brought so many good things, but it has been mingled with a lot of unnecessary pain as well.
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