Happy Mother's Day

Mother's Day is upon us again. Over the past day or so I've been struggling with the "happy" that often goes along with "Mother's Day." Part of my struggle with "happy" is from a point made by one of Cynthia's friends who also lost her baby...she said that for a while in her grief journey she didn't "do happy." I totally can relate to that.

I was talking with Cynthia today about Mother's Day and the Hallmark nature of it, when Cynthia reminded me of the original reason Mother's Day started. She wrote about this last year.

And yet, here we are again this year, trying to make the most of Mother's Day, but feeling empty without Cara here. We should have had her with us today as we made a trip to the local garden center and then spent all afternoon tending to the garden. She should have been here, a little over 1-year old, crawling around the yard.

I feel for Cynthia because I know how much she wishes that Cara could be here physically with us. And, without Cara here tomorrow, it hurts.

I want Cynthia to know that she is an incredible mother. I have watched her grow into motherhood from the day we found out we were pregnant with Cara, to holding Cara in her arms at hospital.  I want Cynthia to know that she still beautifully mothers Cara. Even though she cannot care for Cara in a physical, tangible way...the way she wishes so dearly could be...Cara is still alive, and she receives love and care from Cynthia just like any child would from her mother. I just have to believe that while Cara is up in heaven, she often smiles and basks in the deep, rich, incredible love she receives from her mother....and she tells her friends how lucky she is for such a wonderful Mom.

This afternoon, a Monarch butterfly was dancing around and feeding off a newly planted Verbena we placed just to the right of a garden stone with Cara's footprints. This butterfly stopped me in my tracks, because I felt that somehow God was showing me a picture of Cynthia and Cara's relationship. That it is a dance...and something that could almost go unseen...and yet even more beautiful and rich than a Monarch butterfly finding food and life in a vibrant purple flower.

We love you, Cara...what a wonderful Mom you have.