Friday, June 12, 2009

A strange conversation

I've had a picture on my desk of Cynthia's and Cara's hands ever since I started back at work after Cara's death. I've only received about 3 or 4 comments on the picture in that time.

Yesterday afternoon, a co-worker who has never been at my desk walks by...

"Is that a picture of your wife, she's so cute!" she says.

"Thanks, yes she is."

"And what is that?"

"That's a picture of my daughter, who died last year."

"Oh. What happened?"

"She was stillborn when my wife was 38 weeks pregnant."

"Oh. I don't mean to be gross but my sister had that happen and her baby's fingernails looked the same way."

After saying this, she turned and walked away.

This very brief conversation left me speechless. Why point that out? Why not just say "I'm sorry." I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was surprised by my picture. Maybe she got nervous.

Either way, it's just another confirmation that the office environment is a terrible place to grieve. Sorry, I just had to vent.

3 comments:

Carly Marie said...

You know nothing surprises me anymore. I am still sickened by peoples words though.

Some people.

I am so sorry, I know how beautiful the picture must be.

You are right the office is no place of healing.

Wishing you guys peace x

Louisa said...

The things that people come out with are so concerning, some of the things that people have said when we lost Harry left me bewildered and left me thinking are they so ignorant to grief and the capacity to love something so much, I remember one comment that was said to me (Harry died at 39 weeks) was "atleast he didn't speak" which left me feeling that they didn't quite understand the bond that you have with the baby..That comment from your colleague obviously comes from a place whereby the don't have any infinite wisdom, or insight into what it really means to truly love another human being, it's their incapability to understand..Cara is beautiful by the way. Wishing you gentle days

Louisa
http://the-harry-line-helpingparents.blogspot.com/

Tim said...

Thanks for your comments, Carly & Louisa. Like you both said, the things people say can be so awful.